Happening more frequently I am questioning my actions. Why am I doing what I'm doing, where am I going, how am I succeeding? Questions that keep me motivated to re-evaluate how I'm spending my time, and with who.
How is this year of travel, steadily switching countries, living out of a suitcase and out of the loop of comfort helping ME?
If I don't know anything else, it's building my character as well as my confidence.
Confidence that makes me feel powerful. Confidence that makes me feel like I can do anything and everything, not without trials and tribulations, but I CAN do it. This isn't an easy road I'm taking, the most obvious reason being that I don't have any hands-on experience about where I'm at until I'm there, living in it. I'm in month 9 and still get super ancy when I'm buying plane/bus tickets, booking hostels/air bnb's, meeting new people, experiencing a new culture.
Like, what if I miss my flight? What if I miss them announcing this is my stop off the bus? Gahhhhh, keep an eye on my luggage bc idk if these chicken buses are just economically attractive or a sketchy trap for a tourist. Is my spanish good enough? I really want to be as respectful as possible when navigating through these small towns and not be that dick traveler from Los Estados Unidos that doesn't care if something I say or do offends someone because it's "not offensive in the U.S." Why is everything so ridiculously cheap...?
One day at a time.
It helps to visualize each day being inside a room with the door closed. Ahead of me is another door that leads to tomorrow, and the door behind me leads to yesterday. But right now, I am in the room of today. Today is what I need to focus on. Focus on what I can do today, and handle tomorrow, tomorrow; worry about yesterday, never.
It's irritating, eye opening and comforting this process of exploring the depth of my mind and soul, growing in strength and stature, from the inside out. I hear sweet whispers of love, affirmations to the woman I am becoming and truth in the future that I am building. And at the same time, I still swear I don't know shit lol talk about walking by faith, y'all.
My mind is the biggest thing that is growing. It's flourishing, I don't know, widening its boundaries, extending it's capacities so I can hold more truth. Exhaling the doubt, inhaling the lesson. And I cannot stress enough how much your opinion or view of who I am means absolutely nothing to me, at all. I do not care, nor do I wish to prove* to you anything about my decisions, mindset and actions. I'm all the way done with everrrr exhausting energy on that bullshit.
Um, not to mention that I recently hiked up the third tallest volcano in Central America and legit conquered some serious mental hurdles, because frfr, I wanted to say "fuck thissss" and quit so many times during those 7 hours (SEVEN, UPHILL HOURS). So basically, nobody can tell me shit after I made that volcano my biotch.
As for the question of who am I spending this precious time with? Me, I'm spending all the time in the world with myself and I have to admit, I'm funny as shit, I got some killer dance moves, I can eat a whole medium pizza by myself, my naps are fuego and necessary, I appreciate my quiet time more than ever and dassit.